My shitest Oral Exam

ENGLISH SPEAKING IS JUST HARD. T.T 

I have always depress about many things, but nothing can make me more depress than my oral exam.

My English speaking skill is poor.After about 15 years of English learning, I had only improved on writing skill (and even my writing skill have ceased to improve since last year). 

              Honestly and unfortunately, this one and a half year studying Ausmat for me is a process of breaking through my bottleneck, and it seems that all my effort is to no avail that  I keep seeing my classmates improve by leap and bounds while I am leaving behind further and further. The worst thing is not about the performance or the result itself, but the level of improvement compared with those before.That's the thing. This really depresses me so much.

The thing is I found that only after oral exam that I can speak more fluent english. Especially the part when I am arguing about how bad I did in the exam.

POKKAI…how I fall to this stage…

“insuffidient fund”.That’s what is stated in my bank receipt.

I am broke.Seriously broke.It happened too soon as it was out of my plan.

This is a totally new experience to me for being broke.No money in either bank or wallet.Images and videos start streaming out of my mind.A lot of it.Things that I have never thought about.Its kinda fun actually.The weird reality of having no money only comes to me when I was waiting for bus in KL Sentral. 

                Danger or fear to me are always too subtle that I seldom notice them or treat then as a big thing.Even for this time.Maybe it’s just temporary and I optimistically think that it maybe a pushing force for me to cut down my diet.These are some ideas that come to my mind during the bus journey to home that I could remember:

      1.        Part-time job at Yamaha- last year someone at Yamaha asked me whether I am interested in taking part time job.But I was not ready and afraid tha it might hinder my study so I never took it seriously.but now it seems appeal to me.
   

      2.        Secret( Hey! Not what you think.Nothing to do with prostittion okay?I won't go that far.)

      3.        My plan to sell books in Australia immerges.A few data collected: Surveying the potential market for chinese books, label my books into categories so that my mother can easily shipping to me the books I want, make a copy of booklist for my mother for wasy reference, surveying the transport fees to determine how much I should price the books,to sell them through bookshops or open a stall myself or to rent a booth during book fair or art festival(inspired by the ones that I saw at the art and alternative book bazaar),books to sell and to keep as a treasure to my library.

      4.        Friend list that I could borrow money from when things get really critical and this is the last alternative I could take to make ends meet.

      5.        Find Bank Simpanan Nasional so that I could withdraw my money in the account.Shit! Since my stay in KL,I had never seen any Bank Simpanan. What the shit is this bank that you don’t open a franchise in KL?
   

      6.        How to handle my meal.Luckily I like to buy 3 in 1 drink in packets and cereal sort of things.So maybe I could stand for a couple of weeks with the stock under my table.Owh, and the big savior: Instant mee!!! For nutrition, I should reduce my daily 2 fruits to each day one or one for 2 days.No more release-stress food like burger and after exam luxurious meal (actually the luxury stands for more variety of food in a plate of economic rice)(so I was wondering why is it that I still have no enough money since I always bring food to college..hmm)

      7.         The present that I had brought for Syaq but didn’t manag to give him on time which I planned to share with other housemates.When is Izzat Roslan’s birthday? The present can be applied to him too as he got the same interest.Then I can gain money from that.

      8.         The many many more activities that I’d planned to participate but now seem can’t. But really I  don’t want to lose the chance to open my mind.Not worth it.So borrowing would be an appealing option.Then see how.

      9.      * Then the reward for being a volunteer for KL Marathon suddenly comes into my mind.RM40,I could get it by next Sunday.Haha.Great.*happy
     

      10.       How much money I would have to owe the household? And the contribution to the farewell party as well.Sorry the amount is actually a part of my planned expenditure but, things happens.>< 

       11.       Refreshing back.If yesterday I paid for the camera bag and the ikan bakar then today I would have (not “buying less during the bazaar) borrow more from Xinpei.

         Now I fear.I think I have no talent in managing my money.I am not rational at all in this

financial thing.I buy things without considering how much I left but how rare the chance is to find the thing and how worthful it is to buy it. The scary truth is that I always think in the latter way.

         Anyhow,I had found the ATM branch in KL.Its everywhere,KL Sentral, Timesquare, Midvalley, Lowyat…But, I got the urge to take this challenge of striving until the paidday comes.I like challenges.

Aww..I had started piercing quotes of my own..

I am a weirdo,but still not weird enough to be successful. (I believe a true weirdo will be succeed one day >.<)

Problems faced by everyone who buy beansprout.--Beansprout fever

Since beansprout is a kind of vegie that is both cheap and healthy, many like to buy it.It comes with package in a size of two fists and only costs a maximum of 50 cent. Cheap and in large size. That's what consumers crave for. And here comes the problems.This is particular for buyers that only cook a one-person meal.

Before buying,we may ask ourselves : "Can we finish it all?" "Nevermind, it's cheap, just buy it." And we go back home with satisfication.

There are 3 cases happening now in my hostel, Rumah 67.These are what had happened:

1. Name : huili

    Situation: I bought a 68 cent amount of beansprout and plan to finish it in 4 days (that is, 4 meals continuously).Once I reached home from the market, I immediately immersed half of the beansprout in salt water and kept it in fridge.The other half is kept in the fridge as well in plastic that I made some holes on it.To let them breath.Actually it supposed to be in salt water as well, but I couldn't find a appropriate container to keep all of it. //And my cooking plan went smooth except that I missed out one day, that means my beansprout last for 5 days, some of the one that I didn't put in saltwater have their heads fallen, but the rest still look stunningly delicious.:')

2. Name: liai

    Situation: She bought 60-cent amount of it on the same day as mine.And she just kept it in the fridge without making any changes.I was not sure how many days she'd planned to cook them.But on the day I finished my last portion of beansprout, I saw a large portion of beansprout still laying weakly in the corner of the fridge.They have black eye circles and their body are crouch into distorted shape.Kesian. It was 2 days ago.:-S

3. Name: yeeyin

    Situation: She bought it on the day I finished my last beansprout.50-cent.Planned for 3 meals.3 days.It is now having some head-falls but still edible.Tomorrow is their last day, hopefully yeeyin manage to wake up early and cook them with their companion soft taufu and black fungus.(as what yeeyin'd cooked for these 2 days) :')

Overall.The problems that commonly faced is time constriction that we have to finish it on time as beansprout have short life span. And as they are so cheap, we tend to buy it in large amount.

Useful tips: Immersed them in saltwater to extend their life span.^^ Happy Cooking!!!

   

   

And poem...

Poems kicked start the new semester. Poem, as I’ve said earlier, is widely considered as something that is “not cool” (at least in my own understanding. Or is it only me that think like that??) . That’s the reason I quit poem.  As Mr.Derick announced that we gonna doing poem for this semester, we are like, okay…so, poem? Another florish and girlish literature thing.

                Nevertheless, trust me, everyone has something “jiwang” inside. So this lesson is a good chance to dig out the thing inside you. Look at Victor, the seemingly coolest guy in my class that always comes out with great sentences, filthy words and wearing like Eminem, sitting at the back of the class. He did write a poem eventually, though it was still full of filthy dictions, beginning with “Life is a shit”. His style. But he read the poem with emotion and even with repeative structure.

                For me, poem is winding of sentences where you could easily written it down  in a simple sentences instead. Poem makes things complicated. Poets are people who indulge in the world of themselves, writing rhetoric things that only can be understood by themselves. I know this narrow viewing of poets is accusing and incorrect and sum things out with just a word, and was a kind of discrimination. Sorry about that and I will brainwashing myself in this few days. Some political and satirical poems are cool.I shouldn’t say all TV programmes are bad for children ‘coz they are different. I do love reading some types of poems.

                I love those short and catchy poems full of biting satire as they are always exciting .Especially when they refer to something I am familiar with. No doubt that readers always seek the feeling of commonness and belonging from their readings. In reading poem, my length of patience is 15 lines. 
Poems longer than 15 lines with twisted meaning and rare vocabs are a no-no for me. And so with classical poems  with ancient dictions like “thou”,”thy”,” thee”.When I saw these, I  click the X box (close page).What’s the purpose of troubling yourself? I’d had enough of brain-juice-squeezing during Chemistry class and don’t want to bother myself with things like this during leisure time. Ah, finally I reach the main point: poem is for pleasure, not pressure.

                Finally words for poetry : Why can’t you just state it clearly?! You little twisted thing!

                Urged by the scary sentimental music sponsored by  Mick, I eventually came out a poem in the class. Paradoxically, it seemed like a romantic piece. In the end, I am a poet that always contradicting myself :p

In the dizziness, you are sitting behind me

I remember

In the yellow classroom

The hanging fan’s spinning clumsily

Stirring the sweaty air

The moving lips of Cikgu Abdullah. With moustache lining around it

Vibrate, through the atmosphere that is crawling in damp silence

The classroom shrink

Inches by inches

                Classroom

                Classroo

                Classro

                Classr

                Class

                (Darkness)

I nod, nod

Slipping a bubble of sweat down my cheek

My long hair

     My light blue school uniform

                My grey white shoes

And absorbed herself into my shock

A BS ORB

Among the wetness and blurriness

The most vivid feeling

Is you, sitting behind me

Palm on your mouth, you giggle, kicking my chair

!!!

Cikgu Abdullah’s mumble turns clear

Parameswara melarikan diri ke Batam sebelum sampai di Singapura

And then he ran and ran

Finally he reached

Here in the History class   

:')            

Sarawak!!!

...Sarawak? Q&A

1. We ( West Malaysian) need a passport to go there ?

    You don't need one.=.=It's still Malaysia what.But for non-Sarawakian, you will get a Pas Lawatan   whereby you are only permitted to enter and remain in Sarawak for 90 days. It's a common thing that many of us feel East Malaysia is so different from West Malaysia, and we store a lot of peculiar thinking about this piece of land that is riched with natural resources and its indigenous culture.When I was young,I felt pity and unfair for East Malaysian as most of the goods they bought are more expensive than in Peninsula.Double standard.The most I noticed is the price of magazines;e.g RM1.00 in W.M,RM1.20 in E.M.Besides,the Independence Day is not unified as it is not yet the day Sabah and Sarawak regained their freedom.Regarding this,in recent years, many have suggested the true Independence Day that we should be celebrated supposed to be on 16 September,same as Malaysia Day.This is a difficult decision to make isn't? Which date to choose?

2.Can I eat chewing gum there?

   C'mon dude.This is not Singapore.Malaysian don't come out with weird rules.

3.Are there any pantang larang? e.g Cannot take photos of something.Or I can't talk about something...Or cannot point my finger to the Hornbill bird(maybe it's a kind of disrespect?)?

   This maybe apply to some rural area.But not in Kuching (One of the biggest cities in Malaysia).Orang Kuching wear just like us,living a modern life,with nice buildings peppered on wide landscape.Just about 10 minutes I am in Kuching,I saw lighting with hornbill shape.I wonder why is hornbill the symbol of Sarawak. Are they origin from here? Or the population here is larger than any other places in the world? (When walking on the street in Sawarak,will I be bumped by hornbill flying over the sky?)

p/s: One of the funniest lame joke that I've ever heard is about Sarawak.I heard it from the reality show Showdown 2010.It's from one of the member of Feasible Crew.This was what he said: (in Mandarin,with passion) "I want to prove that we Sarawakian don't live on tree,even if we live on tree,we get on it by lift!!"(the scene is edited to show them lifted up o the TV screen) Maybe the guy didn't say it as a joke, but a patriotic proclamation, but it turns out so funny that I even called my best friend just after that to tell this joke!

This is my first day in Kuching,also the first time in East Malaysia.Just now on the way to Victor's home we ate the Golo Mee, it tastes a bit like Wantan Mee, and it was nice!!Sedaaap!Haha, more to discover on tomorrow!!

------

Prior to the beginning of a new chapter of life,I would keep reminding myself that I must start writing diary,so that all the memories I had are well recorded in lines.Undeniably,our brain is not enough to store all those scattered memories, and I doubt if my storage capacity is only 10 GB.I've got bad memories but I've always know the importance of memory,whether they are of good one or the other way round.So, I need pen and paper,but before I pick up my pen and write at least something,the internet age has come.That's why I am writing this thing here. I guess this can explain my purpose  of writing blog.

This is not my first blog.The first one is (recalling...mind loading..buffering..)..during Form 3,where now I bet I won't write that sort of blog again.Everyone can guess.Form 3 is the period of "jiwang",but different from others,my jiwang is in poem form(my god...so embarrassed).Yes..I did write POEM!!That time I was quite indulged in literature, particularly poems, novels and short stories(san3wen2)(wei1xing2xiao3shuo1).But I only managed to write a few poems and articles, with the reason "no inspiration".(where later I discovered from experience that there is no such thing as "no inspiration",that's more of laziness that stops me from writing).

The blog was never active,one of the reasons is I myself not sure whether to tell my friends that I have a blog.In this century, writing a blog is not something you can show off or proud of, and I found it hard to utter a word about this.So that's it.My first blog,died in my uncertainty and laziness.It's now abandoned somewhere in the Internet, because its boss had forgotten the password to rescue it out.Poor little blog,I even can't remember its name.(See? I got bad memory.)In chinese tradition, a proper name after death is important,and it signifies dignity.It's the basis right of a corpse.And my blog.........I am sorry,here I build a grave for all the happiness you had brought to be, and this makes me grow up.Thanks you,with love, huili.

Next is the birth of this blog.It's on Sunday afternoon,McD Centrepoint,and on that week there got a chemistry and physics test, so it would be somewhere around end of March and early April.I never planned it, (it's not that it's a pre-marital sex=.=),it came so sudden, thanks to the accessibility of internet and boredom, which are the two main element of a typical college life.

Regarding the name.It's an adaptation from Hujan's album 1,2,3 GO, which originally is...ops!exactly the same!..I thought the album is of something like "1,2,3 Rock" "Check Check Rock", so this name would be an adaptation.But it turns out the same.=.= I should change it sometime later, when I manage to think of other suitable name:')

That's all for today.Welcome to my world.

*Hujan's album:-Check Check Rock Rock, 1,2,3 Go! (2007)

p/s: A writer which I had forgotten her name once said "Writing diary is exposing yourself in the daylight".Can I analyse it as "writing diary>>feel unsecure"?